posts not safe for work or social media, may contain sexual references
Jane became single and joined a singles group on Facebook. Because Tinder is full of dishonest and phoney people. After six months, she was really pissed off. She had a date with one guy who said he was a teetotaler, but was drunk when they met. Another guy said he would never date more than … Read more
(This is from my upcoming book “How I Became a Dirty Old Man (like Bukowski)”) Finally, my daughter came back and picked up that demon mutt. Sparky wagged his tail and leapt into her arms like an angel, as if he hadn’t spent three days turning my flat into a war crime scene. She kissed … Read more
My good friend John found a woman, Jane, on Tinder. After a couple of dates, they met at John’s apartment. After a nice dinner and a couple of glasses of wine, they went to the bedroom, took their clothes off, and it so happened that John couldn’t get an erection. This happens to almost all … Read more
Since people were asking for relationship advice, here’s another little gem. Before you get into a relationship, invite your future mother-in-law over to your place to watch a movie. Nothing reveals a person’s true character quite like watching a film together. And no matter how hard you try to avoid it, once you’re in a … Read more
Recently, I gave women advice on how to impress a man on a first date. Now for the follow-up: how to make sure he doesn’t disappear into thin air once he’s gotten laid—aka, the guide to a perfect first time. Once you’ve got the man back at your place and decided it’s time to get … Read more
Already when I was young, I learned that nothing makes sex better than when your partner looks you straight in the eyes and says, “I love you.” The incredible feeling that comes from that is truly beyond words. It lifts sex to entirely new dimensions and makes it so much better. For decades I’ve thought … Read more
Once, with my girlfriend (about 20 years ago), we were about to have sex. We were already naked in bed, kissing, the foreplay was done, and we were ready to go — when I remembered that the condoms were in the bathroom. I went to get them, and then thought I’d grab a drink from … Read more
My expectations weren’t high. They never are, these days. But still, I had that tiny flicker of hope, the same pathetic flame that keeps moths frying themselves on lightbulbs. I shaved, splashed on some aftershave that expired sometime during the Obama administration, and combed my hair in a way I imagined said: distinguished gentleman rather … Read more
Here’s how it works: when she wants to eat at a fancy restaurant, I take her—and I pay. When she wants new clothes, we go shopping together—and I pay. When she wants a vacation in Italy, we go together—and I pay. It’s just like being married—except I actually get sex!
Every man, at some point in his life, feels a sense of inadequacy about his sexuality. It’s happened to me twice. The first time was when I was chatting with my wife’s friend Jane, and she mentioned that her husband can make love for at least an hour. I felt a bit down after that, … Read more
