ashamed
Last night there was absolutely insane fucking noise coming from next door: a woman moaning, outright screaming, and relentless banging. Bloody hell, it went on forever! I figured the neighbour lady was getting some very thorough ‘treatment’ over there—but nope. Turned out it was her elderly mother, who’d fallen out of bed, broken her hip, … Read more
Friday night went on a bit longer than planned. On Saturday morning, my phone alarm went off: “Pick up laundry from the laundry room.” I was still half asleep, so I threw on some clothes and headed down to the communal laundry room. The machines were still running, with just over 15 minutes left. I … Read more
Being alone can affect your psyche in the strangest ways imaginable. I’ve been single for a long time. I enjoy being single and have no desire to be in a relationship. But yesterday, when a couple of friends were visiting the Helsinki metropolitan area and came to stay the night at my place, I discovered … Read more
I came home after shopping. At the staircase, I noticed a distinct smell of shit. My neighbor was clearly drunk and waiting for the elevator. In an elevator, the smell got really bad. I couldn’t help myself; I looked at him disapprovingly and said, “I guess someone has pooped his pants.” He looked confused and … Read more
This happened over 20 years ago. I was at the Heureka Science Centre with my kids. There was a microscope set up where you could look at bull sperm. Next to it was a sign that said, “Live sperm available from the guide.” I turned to the gentleman standing nearby and asked, “Could we get … Read more
I’ve just learned that a fake AI-generated advertisement is being circulated on social media using my name. It’s a vile attempt to deceive people by exploiting my good reputation. In this ad, a character impersonating me promotes an unbelievably profitable cryptocurrency investment, promising returns of thousands of percent annually. Worse yet, the character offers women … Read more
Today was my first time taking a drug test. Not the fun kind where they try different substances—the kind where you pee in a cup while a nurse watches you like a hawk, then they analyze it to see if you’ve been using. I prepared thoroughly. Drank lots of water, avoided the bathroom, and came … Read more
I received a letter by email saying that a criminal had managed to hack into my computer. He claimed to have seen from my browser history that I had visited porn sites and had even recorded me via my computer’s camera while I was touching myself. He then threatened that if I didn’t pay, he … Read more
In the elevator, a woman about twenty years younger than me—a downstairs neighbor—pointed out, “Your fly is open.” And the first words that came out of my mouth were, “No worries—the garage is open, but the beast is sleeping.”
