Ten years ago, I was in a relationship with a woman. She left me cruelly. The breakup was anything but pretty—terrible fights, and she badmouthed me to all my friends. Today, I happened to run into her at the shopping mall. I have to admit, it was really nice to see her after all these … Read more
I came home after shopping. At the staircase, I noticed a distinct smell of shit. My neighbor was clearly drunk and waiting for the elevator. In an elevator, the smell got really bad. I couldn’t help myself; I looked at him disapprovingly and said, “I guess someone has pooped his pants.” He looked confused and … Read more
A childhood friend from up north was staying the night. He’s got a date today with some woman and was really excited — thought he might get lucky. Naturally, I’m happy for him. Before heading out, he asked if he could borrow my electric shaver. After he’d left, I went into the bathroom and noticed … Read more
Have you thought carefully about what was most terrible in your previous relationships so that you can avoid it in your current or future relationship? For me, the worst thing was a terrible custody battle after the divorce. We fought tooth and nail over who the children would live with after the divorce. And of … Read more
One thing about old women annoys me immensely. Let me explain. I went to a bar yesterday, like I sometimes do on Saturday nights. I was peacefully sipping my drink at the counter when suddenly one of those old women showed up. Clearly had more than a few drinks already, wearing ridiculously trashy makeup (definitely … Read more
A friend recommended a type of cheese I hadn’t tried before—Cantal, from Lidl. That evening, I sliced a piece onto a salt cracker and settled on the couch to watch a movie. In the dark, I almost knocked over my wineglass, and as I grabbed it, the cheese fell to the floor. According to the … Read more
When I turned 40, my wife woke me with a passionate kiss, wished me a happy birthday, and said she had an unforgettable surprise for me. I was absolutely buzzing. During the day at work, she sent flirty messages, teasing me about whether I could wait until evening, saying this would be the best birthday … Read more
Shoe shopping with a teenage girl: we visit every shop in an enormous shopping mall. Shoe shops twice, some three times, milkshake bar once, chocolatery once, and all other clothing shops at least once. After two and a half hours, we find a nice summer dress, which—of course—she can’t wear this autumn anymore, but it’s … Read more
My human just lies there, even though I’ve been standing next to the bed whining sweetly for at least three minutes. Finally, he gets up, sighs, and says, “Could’ve slept in longer this weekend.” Well, yes, but I want to go outside! I trot to the front door to wait while he gets dressed like … Read more
This happened over 20 years ago. I was at the Heureka Science Centre with my kids. There was a microscope set up where you could look at bull sperm. Next to it was a sign that said, “Live sperm available from the guide.” I turned to the gentleman standing nearby and asked, “Could we get … Read more
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