janparviainen Last summer I was on vacation in Venice. Over 30 degrees Celsius (86 F) every day. My groin was sweating so much that after walking all day, by the evening the folds of my groin were chafed completely red. Now I’m planning to go to Italy again. Having learned from last summer’s experiences, I googled … Read more
From now on, I’m not going to talk about romantic things to them. I’m going to rely on science. When I get a woman to stay overnight, I wait until she’s asleep and then put a nicotine patch on her back. In the morning, before she wakes up, I remove it. After a couple weeks … Read more
My friend John had been thinking that it might be nice to get a little frisky with his wife, Jane, in the evening, so he decided to send her a romantic and slightly naughty message from work, wondering if he might get lucky tonight. He had read in some women’s magazine that it’s a good … Read more
One of my ex-wives had an annoying habit. Now and then, when I was watching TV in the evening, she kissed me on the cheek and said, “I’m going to bed.” And I mean around 9 pm! Usually, we went to bed around midnight. For at least an hour, when I was watching a movie, … Read more
When I do rarer household chores, like changing lightbulbs, cleaning dishwasher filters, assembling furniture, etc., I often ask my teenage son to help me. I always say, “You should learn to do these things so you know how to do them when you move out to your own place.” I always get sentimental, thinking that … Read more
Flight delayed. Teenager cranky. I pay an arm and a leg to get to lounge with a buffet. I say to my son, “Now eat as much as you want, so we don’t have to buy bad, overpriced food on the plane.” The menu is full of delicious food. Boy takes one slice of chocolate … Read more
I sat at the park when I saw an elderly couple nearby, having a picnic. The man was probably over 80, and the woman not much younger. They were sitting there on a blanket, feeding each other grapes, and drinking champagne. The man was whispering something to her ear, and the woman was giggling like … Read more
In the elevator, a woman about twenty years younger than me—a downstairs neighbor—pointed out, “Your fly is open.” And the first words that came out of my mouth were, “No worries—the garage is open, but the beast is sleeping.”
After a bad night’s sleep, I get up and start making coffee. While waiting, I think I’ll eat the last ice pop I’ve been saving. Maybe it will cheer me up. Then I notice that the freezer door is ajar. Water is oozing out; everything in it is wet. And there’s no icy pop. The … Read more
Jane notices on the Facebook singles group that John has written interesting stories. Jane thinks it would be really nice if John would send her a message. But John hasn’t noticed Jane and thus doesn’t contact her. John and Jane would be soulmates, the love story of the century, but because Jane thinks that the … Read more
