-
Read more: You’re Not My TypeYou’ve probably heard that if you go on a date and don’t really feel a spark, it’s polite to say, “You’re not my type” so you don’t hurt the other person’s feelings. Doesn’t work. I once went on a blind date—my friend talked me into meeting his sister. At the end of the date, the…
-
Read more: Chapter Seventeen: Dinner With the Devil
My expectations weren’t high. They never are, these days. But still, I had that tiny flicker of hope, the same pathetic flame that keeps moths frying themselves on lightbulbs. I shaved, splashed on some aftershave that expired sometime during the Obama administration, and combed my hair in a way I imagined said: distinguished gentleman rather…
-
Read more: How I Became a Dirty Old Man (like Bukowski)
Chapter One: The Note on the Fridge Every memoir starts with a tragedy. Some start with war, some with famine, some with fathers who were too drunk to remember their children’s birthdays. Mine started with a Post-it note stuck on the fridge. “I’m leaving.” That’s all it said. Two words. My wife, partner of twenty…
-
Read more: I got myself a sugar babe
Here’s how it works: when she wants to eat at a fancy restaurant, I take her—and I pay. When she wants new clothes, we go shopping together—and I pay. When she wants a vacation in Italy, we go together—and I pay. It’s just like being married—except I actually get sex!
-
Read more: A Gentleman on a Date
My good friend John went on a date with a lady. John is a gentleman, so he paid for the coffee and pastries. On the second date, they went out to eat, and again John picked up the tab. The woman thanked him and said that next time, she would pay. For the third date,…
-
Read more: Sexiest lady I’ve seen for a while
Something curious happened over the weekend. I was out shopping when I ran into a rather stunning-looking woman. Long hair, long legs, ample bosom—truly the epitome of sexy. I just had to go talk to her. Turned out she had a great sense of humor too, laughed at my very first joke. We ended up…
-
Read more: Facing personal insecuritiessense of inadequacy
Every man, at some point in his life, feels a sense of inadequacy about his sexuality. It’s happened to me twice. The first time was when I was chatting with my wife’s friend Jane, and she mentioned that her husband can make love for at least an hour. I felt a bit down after that,…
-
Read more: Wanted!
A few days ago, while shopping, I saw a woman I instantly fell head over heels for. She was exactly the kind of woman I’ve always dreamed of. I can’t explain why, but I got the impression she’s very open-minded—and might even be up for something on the first date. For privacy reasons, I won’t…
-
Read more: A joyful reunion brightened my day
Ten years ago, I was in a relationship with a woman. She left me cruelly. The breakup was anything but pretty—terrible fights, and she badmouthed me to all my friends. Today, I happened to run into her at the shopping mall. I have to admit, it was really nice to see her after all these…
-
Read more: Poop story
I came home after shopping. At the staircase, I noticed a distinct smell of shit. My neighbor was clearly drunk and waiting for the elevator. In an elevator, the smell got really bad. I couldn’t help myself; I looked at him disapprovingly and said, “I guess someone has pooped his pants.” He looked confused and…
