Being alone can affect your psyche in the strangest ways imaginable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’ve been single for a long time. I enjoy being single and have no desire to be in a relationship. But yesterday, when a couple of friends were visiting the Helsinki metropolitan area and came to stay the night at my place, I discovered a very strange side of myself, one that I’m deeply ashamed of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We were watching a movie in the evening. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed them holding hands, smiling at each other, and occasionally kissing. I suddenly felt absolutely awful. My heart started pounding, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I began to sweat. For a moment, I actually thought I was having a heart attack. It was horrible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was so relieved when the movie finally ended and we went to bed. But things only got worse from there. The wall between our bedrooms is paper-thin, and even the slightest sounds carry through it. I lay in bed, trying not to think about anything, but every now and then I caught myself straining my ears to see if I could hear anything coming from their room. My imagination was running wild, and I was convinced they were kissing and having sex in there. I felt horribly uncomfortable, sweated my sheets absolutely soaking wet, and didn’t get a wink of sleep all night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The worst part came in the morning, when I was exhausted and making breakfast for us all. They went into the shower together! Once again, my imagination went into overdrive. I could practically see them soaping each other up in there. My hands were shaking so badly that I spilled hot coffee down the front of my shirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought about it for a long time and couldn’t come up with any other explanation than that I was jealous. Jealous that someone had found love, someone they felt good with, someone they genuinely loved. I would never in a million years have imagined that I could turn into this kind of person. I was enormously relieved when they finally left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Next time Emma and Olivia are in the area, I’ll suggest they get a hotel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Being alone can affect your psyche in the strangest ways imaginable. I’ve been single for a long time. I enjoy being single and have no desire to be in a relationship. But yesterday, when a couple of friends were visiting the Helsinki metropolitan area and came to stay the night at my place, I discovered … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,13,14,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1617","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love","category-ashamed","category-sex","category-single-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1617","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1617"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1617\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1618,"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1617\/revisions\/1618"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1617"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1617"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dirtyoldman.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1617"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}